The Top 10 Reasons to Think Twice Before Having Kids — David Letterman-Style

#10.  You’ll probably never get an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep again…ever!  If it’s not because the kids are physically keeping you up, it’s because they’re mentally keeping you up!

#9.  Alone time in the bathroom is a thing of the past.  Hope you don’t suffer from stage fright!

#8.  Instead of humming one of the current Top 40, you’ll find yourself singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Row, Row, Row Your Boat even when the house is quiet and you are alone.

#7.  You will be called out on all silent…um…gas passages…poots…farts.  You might as well get used to the vile words because once your kids learn them, they will become routine in daily conversations.  No matter how stealthily you try to slip them out, your child will ask loudly, “What’s that stinky smell!?!?”  And if you’re in a public place, they will be sure to yell this phrase repeatedly, especially if you attempt to ignore them.

#6.  Talking on the phone???  Seriously?  You’ll be lucky if you even hear it ring!

#5.  Anytime you head to the bathroom, you will probably have to answer the question, “Are you going to poop or just pee?”…even if company is present.

#4.  You do not think Lego blocks are good for foot massages.

#3.  You enjoy long, hot showers….or even just showers in general.  Personal hygiene will be low on the totem pole.

#2.  You value personal space.  What?  You mean you don’t enjoy having a small child sleeping thisclose to you at 2am on a night the a/c is broken and your bedroom feels like it’s a steamy 110 degrees?

…..Drumroll please!!!  

And the #1 reason to think twice before having kids…..

#1.  You say things about your mother-in-law you do not want repeated. 😉


Update 8/11/12:
Thanks to our unexpected experience last night, I’d like to add an alternate #1 to the list….
…..Drumroll please!!!  

And the alternate #1 reason to think twice before having kids…..

(Alternate) #1.  Your idea of a date is not a soda and a sandwich box served up by a nurse in an emergency room on a Friday night while you watch Nick Jr. cartoons at 2am, and wait for someone to figure out how they are going to get a quarter out of your child’s esophagus.

I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Of course, all of this is written in jest and the goal was to bring a smile to your face.  I love my kiddos more than anything (and my mother-in-law, too!!!)…but with that said, there is definitely some truth to this top 10.  Kids can definitely get the best of you some days.  The idea for the post came to me on a day full of frustrations.  I am so thankful that on most days I am able to look back and laugh.  I hope you can, too! 🙂  

What would have been your #1???

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